


Curiosity Killed the Lady

by CR11



Category: EXO (Band), Infinite (Band), Original Work, Super Junior
Genre: Best Friends, Comedy, Cute, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Funny, Gen, Korean Characters, Male-Female Friendship, Original Character(s), Original Fiction, Romance, Romantic Comedy, Slice of Life, Temporarily Unrequited Love, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-13
Updated: 2016-11-19
Packaged: 2018-08-30 19:12:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8545717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CR11/pseuds/CR11
Summary: Nam Leia, a twenty-six-year old single lady, has always been curious about anything. Her curiosity is what tends to bring her trouble. This time, she unexpectedly agrees to meet with Moon Sungyeol, an old friend from university, after constantly being teased by Lee Yeonjun, a close friend, about her relationship status. She thinks that this is her chance to reacquaint with an old crush, but little does she know that this meeting is only the start of her problems. Like the old saying says, curiosity killed the cat--Nam Leia.  (Completed; just uploading)





	1. The Start of a Storm

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> This story is actually finished and available on soompi too, but some chapters from soompi went missing. I'm posting the whole story here instead. Hope you'll enjoy this story!

I think curiosity killed me instead of the cat. Every time, I can’t stand the suspense or the mystery, and so I seek trouble when I know it’s best to avoid these situations completely. If a friend that I don’t really talk to ends up texting me, I still respond. I know he or she probably just wants something from me, yet my undying inquisitiveness can’t be stopped. I’m just irked by not knowing in general, and this is exactly why I am stuck in this horrible circumstance.

“Please,” Sungyeol has his head low and his hands pressed together as he begs, “please with tons of dark chocolate truffles on top, please help me pick out my fiancée’s wedding dress?”

But before I delve to what happens next, I have to rewind to the morning. I receive a text from Sungyeol, a long-time friend of mine from university, asking to meet up. My gut tells me to ignore him, and I do initially until . . . I do this bad habit of mine.

You know that heart skipping feeling that you’re supposed to experience when you’re facing the one you love? Well, if I see a hot guy, I’d feel my heart pumping. I’d get that tokidoki feeling, and what’s worse is that I’d want to find out all about him. I’m pretty sure that’s why I’m still single and why I’ve never been kissed nor have I even held another guy’s hand before. I’m a player at heart. I can’t help that I’m curious and that I’m easily attracted to hot guys. If I could have a pen full of hot guys, I’d be elated. I could go on dates with each one and switch it up. Okay, so maybe I have commitment issues, but that doesn’t mean that I have cheated on someone. I haven’t even had a boyfriend yet.

“Leia! You’re doing it again!”

“D-d-d-doing what?” I stumble past my words.

“You’re eye fuc.king someone!”

Eye fu.cking is what Yeonjun has coined as when I ogle at an extremely good-looking guy and become lost in that world of paradise.

“Wh-wh-what? It’s not my fault that he’s like a work of art. You know how it is with me and hot guys . . .” I place my palms on my cheeks and let out a long sigh. I’m envisioning my own pasture of sexy guys; I’m sure that would be my garden of Eden. So forbidden . . . indeed.

“Leia!” I hear Yeonjun's fingers snap viciously. He even claps in front of my face to wake me up.

“What?” I grumble at Yeonjun for ruining my daydream.

Yeonjun is staring at me like the first time we met. He is cursing me with a set of glowing, amber eyes. Yeonjun is probably one of the best looking guys I have met. He has milky, white skin along with long, double eyelids, a straight nose, a sharp chin and a soft, oval face. He has a rather androgynous vibe, which is completely different from his older brother, Junghoon. Junghoon is the hottest guy I have ever met. It’s too bad he is already set to marry his lovely fiancée, Jikyung. They’re really perfect for each other, and they make me squeal like a fan girl. Yeonjun knows how much I worship the two. After all, after the last time we bumped into the couple, I kept asking Yeonjun for photos of them. They were super, super cute and mature for a couple. I would want to watch movies of them and become their fan girl. It’d be like We Got Married, except they’re really going to get married. Yeonjun thinks I’m crazy though. He always thinks I’m out of my mind and too sexually repressed. He says his mission in life is to sexually liberate me. Sexual liberation reminds me of a jungle full of half-naked models that are just waiting for me to . . .

“You’re drooling,” Yeonjun states coldly and makes me jump back to the real world.

“Oh,” I use my sleeve to wipe off my saliva from the edge of my mouth, “Sorry—“

“At least use a napkin, Leia,” Yeonjun rolls his eyes to say and hands me a tissue from his blazer pocket.

“Thanks, Yeonjun! You’re the best!” I smile at him warmly and use his Kleenex to clean what’s left on my mouth.

 

Yeonjun relieves a hefty sigh, muttering, “If only you could be so affectionate towards guys . . .”

It’s sad really, if you think about it. I, for some reason, can be cute in front of all my girl friends, yet in front of guys, I’m the standard Ice Queen. I’m cool and collected. I barely show any emotions and only care about work. With my masculine attitude, I fit right in with the boys. I really have to thank my irresponsible father. He dumped my mother and me after falling in love with his own secretary, so I decided then that I would be just as good as the males. I could be better than them too, and 96% of the time, I am. I usually just lose because of my short height of 155 centimetres.

Now, Lee Yeonjun is a guy, but honestly, I treat him like a girl, and he only sees me like a guy. We’ve seen the worst out of each other. After all, we’ve known each other ever since that day I decided to go to my first group blind date in my last year of university. Yes, I have been a late bloomer in so many ways, but I thought I would go to one after overhearing a few girls in my lecture chatting about it. They were missing a girl, so I thought . . . why not suggest myself?

Due to some unforeseen circumstances, I managed to drink the wrong beverage. Usually I’m pretty good with alcohol, but I’m no good with anything related to champagne. I have no idea someone would order a glass of champagne at karaoke. The point is that I was too nervous that I snatched that glass thinking that it was my cocktail and gulped it all down. Before I knew it, I was swaying back and forth while spitting out my feelings to everywhere. I think I told a few guys how ugly they were, and I also said to a girl that she was really bean pie. Needless to say, they wanted me out of their blind date, so just as I was being dragged to the door, Yeonjun came in late.

At that time, Yeonjun had long, bleached hair to his shoulders unlike his preppy, short hair that he sports these days. He even had some of his hair bunched in a little pony tail, while he let the other parts sway along his shoulders. He was in a loose, black tank top and black skinny jeans. To this day, I still remembered how I grabbed both of his hands and shouted, “Oh my god! You’re so pretty! You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen! Can you be my friend?”

 

I had accidentally spilled out my secret dream of befriending every pretty person in the world. That was the most embarrassing thing that I had even done; however, I really do think that things do happen for a reason. Because his friends were keen on dragging him away from the ladies, they forced him to take care of me. It worked out perfectly for them, and horribly for him. Surprisingly, Yeonjun took me to a hotel room to let me sleep. I was feeling drowsy by then, and according to him, I was still being noisy and telling him how pretty he was. Apparently, I was describing to him all his features and how he looked the best at a certain angle. I also commented how unfortunate it was for him to be so flat chested and skinny. Yeonjun told me that I said that was his only weakness.

The worst part was that I wouldn’t let Yeonjun leave. I was muttering how he was a bad friend if he left, and due to my persistence, Yeonjun stayed behind. When I woke up, I had a slight headache and had no idea how I was in a hotel room. I sincerely thought I had been raped, but luckily, I lifted the sheets to find that I was still fully dressed. Sadly, I also woke up to a very, very stern handsome guy standing in front of me with his arms crossed together. Needless to say, Yeonjun was pissed, and I was shocked to discover that the “girl” that I met was actually a guy. It wasn’t after I explained to Yeonjun my situation with guys did we actually become friends. My situation being that it was really easy for me to become obsessed with handsome guys. The rest then was pretty much history.

“Oh,” Yeonjun looks at his black, metallic watch while announcing, “I’ve got to get back to work.”

“Wh-what? You’ve only been here for twenty minutes though,” I mutter upon seeing his half-finished sandwich. What a waste, I think. At least pack it up. That’s what I don’t understand about Yeonjun. He can be so wasteful at times and so, so anal.

“Unlike you,” He wipes the crumbs from his lips with a tablecloth and says, “I’m rather preoccupied with work.”

“What do you even do?” I eye him sternly. Yeonjun never likes to discuss about his career. In fact, even till this day, I am unsure what this man does. I know he has income though; he can wear fancy suits and brand-named jewellery. He even has a BMW 5 series at this age and a nice apartment in one of the best districts in Seoul.

Yeonjun answers with a bold smirk, “Why I kill people with guns and deal drugs.”

“That’s not funny,” I argue. “Seriously, what do you do? Do you sell yourself to an old lady?”

“Oh!” He chuckles evilly and reveals his set of straight teeth. “How I wish I could just use my body like that. Life would be so much easier and filled with tons of pleasure.”

“More like STDs.”

“Haha, very funny, Leia.” Yeonjun now uncrosses his legs and stands up to put on his beige pea coat. And this is why I will not be able to see him as a guy, I think to myself. He dresses way too well that sometimes, I feel overshadowed by him. He even comments on my outfits and suggests I try other pieces. Really, he’s like a best girl friend, except . . . meaner. “You know, Leia,” Yeonjun unexpectedly announces.

“Yeah?”

“I think you need a new foundation. It’s caking around your nose,” he utters. “Actually, I think you need a more hydrating moisturizer or maybe a serum? Have you even switched to your winter moisturizer?”

 

“No,” I shake my head and say. “Am I supposed to?”

 

“Yes!” Yeonjun shouts. “It is getting drier too. Seriously, sometimes I wonder if you’re really a girl.” He is now shaking his head and doing that thing with his lips where they’re pressed together and slanting all the way to the left side of his face. Disdain, he means.

“Well I have these.” I cover my hands on my breasts. “And that.” I point to the middle of my skirt.

“Yeah, well, you could have had a sex change for all I know,” Yeonjun argues.

“Then you would have seen me in the hospital somewhere or taking some hormone pills.”

“Really, Leia.” Yeonjun lets out a pitiful sigh and places a hand on my shoulder. “Just get laid.”

“Yeonjun!” I stand up and roar.

“What?”

I suddenly remember that we’re in public, so I don’t really want to argue about my virginity. So, I sit back down and pretend that nothing has happened. “Nothing,” I mutter quietly and proceed to sip my tea.

Unfortunately, Yeonjun adds, “I’m glad you agree that your V card needs to be taken away. At the ripe age of 26, you’d think that you’d at least have experienced a kiss. Leia, sometimes, I really—“

“Don’t say it, Yeonjun,” I stress. “I am drinking tea like a fine lady.”

“And living in the Victorian period.”

“Funny, Yeonjun. Funny.”

“Anyhow, I really have to get to work now,” Yeonjun informs me like a matter of fact. “If I’m late, then it’s all your fault.”

“What?” I slam my tea cup on my table. “How is it all my—“

Yeonjun leans forward to cut me off, “A fine lady you are, Leia. A fine lady you—“ I grab onto his tie, forcing him to be closer to me. “What?” he demands. “What are you going to do now?”

“I’m going to . . .”

Think, Leia, think. How can I win Yeonjun and shut him up for good? He’s always bugging me about how I’m single. I need to show him that I can be a femme fatale. I can make the guys drop dead at my feet instead of having them run away from me or be scared to speak to me.

“Yeah?”

“I’m going to get married.”

“Hahahaha!” Yeonjun bursts out laughing even when I’m still clinging onto the end of his tie.

“In fact, I have a date tonight,” I utter.

“Oh really?”

“Yes. I have a hot date that looks like Dennis O.”

“With whom?”

“My friend is setting me up with someone,” I sort of lie. I kind of don’t want to explain the whole story to Yeonjun, who wants all the details to everything. He is really uptight sometimes like a mother.

“What? Howon is helping you? Or is it Sehun? Or Eunhyuk? Or Myungsoo?”

“None of the guys,” I say.

“Then?”

“You’ll see, Yeonjun. You’ll hear all about my smoking, sexy date, and you will want to turn gay for him,” I announce to him very clearly and loudly.

Yeonjun removes my hand from his tie and tucks it properly into his blazer. “All right, we’ll see about that.”

And that is why I texted Sungyeol back, agreeing to meet him for dinner tonight. This is how curiosity killed the lady, Nam Leia.


	2. The Challenge

You see when Sungyeol asked me to dinner, I thought fate had it all planned out. I just didn’t want to respond before because I wanted to defy fate. Sungyeol was going to confess to me and tell me that after all these years, he realized that I was the one for him. And why would he ever confess to me? Well, back in elementary school and until the middle of junior high, Sungyeol and I were best buddies. We would dig up worms together. We would be on the same dodgeball team and even played pranks with other classmates. We were inseparable until people started making rumours that we were dating. Things got super awkward throughout the eighth grade, and finally, Sungyeol moved away to Busan because of his dad’s work. We sort of lost contact until in university where we bumped into each other on campus. He was visiting his girlfriend and wanted to buy some coffee to waste some time. So, we ended up chatting to one another, and before you knew it, we were kind of like before until the last year of university. We lost contact again, and at that time, I started hanging out with Yeonjun’s crew. It wasn’t until I started working as an assistant professor did I realize that Sungyeol was also on the same career path as me. He was at the department of Economics, while I stayed with Urban Development. So, it was natural for me to think that Sungyeol would confess to me.

 

Now, the original plan was that after his confession, I would agree too that Sungyeol was the guy for me. He understood me well, almost knew everything about me. Maybe, not as much as Yeonjun. Yeonjun is the only guy that has seen me in sweat pants paired with an oversized Mickey t-shirt that I’ve had since I was fifteen while wearing no makeup. He does claim, though, that I look horrible even with makeup because I do such a minimal job at it. Apparently, I need eye shadow and eyelash primers for my eyes not to look like those of a panda after a few hours. I never bother though. I just tough it out and wipe away my mascara trails after a few hours. It’s just Yeonjun and my coworkers, and it’s not like I’m going to meet some dream boat. Tonight, however, I did make sure to wear that winter moisturizer Yeonjun gave me and also put on the set of fake eyelashes that Yeonjun had given me. And don’t ask me how Yeonjun knows so much about female products. Sometimes, I question his sexuality, but I’ve never seen him date a guy and from so many years of hanging out with him, he doesn’t even put on eyeliner so . . .

 

“So, Sungyeol, what was it that you wanted to ask me?” I snapped back to reality and asked a few minutes ago.

 

And there you go. We are at where we started.

 

“Please,” Sungyol has his head low and his hands pressed together as he begs, “please with tons of dark chocolate truffles on top, please help me pick out my fiancee’s wedding dress?”

 

Fiancée? Wedding dress? Please? What? Since . . . when? And how? I’ve never seen a ring on his finger! And . . . he treated me to . . . just to ask me . . . for a . . . favour?

 

I have a knife in one hand and a fork in the other. I want to slam both of my fists on the table and let the dishes pop up in the air before dropping to the ground with a loud clang. Sadly, Sungyeol now reaches forward to touch my hand. With puppy-like eyes, he begs again, “Please, Leia, don’t you want to experience what it’s like to be a maid of honour?”

 

“Yes,” I accidentally blurt. “I’ve always wanted to—“

 

“Then it’s a deal! You’ll help Sohee pick out her dress and be her maid of honour!”

 

“Wh-wh-what?” I stutter and almost bite my tongue. I mean, I have always dreamed of being someone’s maid of honour, but not like this. Not for a girl that I don’t even know! And Sungyeol is supposed to be professing his suppressed feelings for me and not asking me for a favour!

 

“You’re really the best, Leia!” Sungyeol continues to stress. “I knew I could count on you!”

 

I am crying and laughing at the same time in my head. Ahahaha . . . I am the best? Ugh, I have been placed smack right into the friend zone, and there I was daydreaming that he’d confess his love to me. Really, why do I do this to myself? My gut feeling was telling me that going to dinner with him was a bad idea and that reacquainting myself to him was even riskier. So why . . . why do I do this?

 

I really, really blame my curiosity and . . . Yeonjun.

 

What am I going to say to him about my adventures now? He’s going to be laughing his head off and mocking me for the rest of my life. I’m supposed to be using this situation to smite him, yet it’s coming back to bite me.

 

Oh please, just kill me. Someone just throw a big, yellow bus at me. I don’t want to wake up to Yeonjun’s condescending laughter. I don’t want to hear his “Muhaha”. Oh god. Oh god. Someone just shake me and tell me that this is all a bad dream. I’m just daydreaming. I’m just . . .

 

“Leia, you don’t know how much this means to me,” Sungyeol keeps straining with his grateful voice.

 

Yup. This is totally not a dream, and now the waiter comes over with our desserts. I’m so glad I ordered a crepe suzette with raspberries, and I also make sure that I order a few more glasses of champagne. I need to get wasted as soon as possible.

 

\------

 

It’s officially Saturday, the day where we spend the night gaming away. This time, we’re at Howon’s apartment working at Halo 3 because Eunhyuk gets to pick this weekend. To be honest, our group is rather nerdy. Sure, we do go to the clubs from time to time, but we’d rather just drink at a lounge or at home. The guys don’t really want to go hunting for ladies when I’m around. It’s just awkward, and the last time they tried incorporating me, the girls got annoyed at me for stealing the guys’ attention because I spilled my drink on myself. So, now, we just meet up every Saturday. This weekend, Yeonjun is too busy working overtime; therefore, he is skipping our gaming session. Thank goodness for that. In fact, thinking about Yeonjun just makes me want to explode and choke that guy to death. Argh. I’m screwed. After getting drunk that night, I’m still not feeling any better. In fact, now that I’ve recovered from my hangover, I realize just how screwed I am. No, I’m fu.cked. Really fu.cked. Let me just kill this boss and pretend that that’s Yeonjun. Stupid . . . stupid . . . stupid . . .

 

I hear a cough and then feel a tap on my shoulder. “Leia . . . I know you like to button smash, but . . .”

 

“But what?” I turn my head to snap at Hwang Howon, who is part of our group. He’s the one that used to settle down the bickering between Yeonjun and me. Actually, Howon still does that. I guess after all these years, Yeonjun and I still haven’t changed much.

 

“But . . . this is a bit too much,” Howon quietly notes. He has always been the calm one; he never wavers and never yells. He just takes everything in, so for him to comment about my gaming methods is rather extreme.

 

Now, Eunhyuk sings in a teasing way, “You know if you break his controller, you’re going to have to pay him . . . How much?”

 

“115, 745 won including tax,” Myungsoo answers while adjusting his black-rimmed Ray-Ban glasses with his ring finger. Myungsoo is the guy with few words, and sometimes, we forget about him. However, he manages to butt in for the very, very important matters or just the stuff that intrigues him so he can be an as.shole. Cough. Well, he isn’t exactly an as.shole. He just comes off like that, which is really, really different from Yeonjun, who is born to be a pain in the as.s. Often, Myungsoo chooses to observe. It’s not a surprise that he’s a software designer; I don’t mean to be clichéd or anything, but his mind just works logically and efficiently. Plus, he never had to study much in college. Damn him.

 

“Oh come on, guys, don’t be mean to our cutie virgin, Leia!” Sehun pokes my cheek, and I turn to bite his finger. “Oh, Leia, still so feisty! So cute! So cute!” Sehun continually chants.

 

Myungsoo, on the other hand, instructs in a steady tone, “Leia, if you want to have healthy children, then you have to take advantage of your ovaries when you are young. Women aren’t like men, you know?”

 

“I know, I know, but it’s not like good men can show up anywhere,” I mope.

 

“Well, at least freeze some of your eggs before you are thirty,” Myungsoo carries on saying.

 

If it were Yeonjun telling me this, I would have smacked him in the face. Since it’s Myungsoo, I know that he is being genuinely caring. He just doesn’t know how to word his sentences in a way that is less offensive.

 

“B-b-b-but, I heard from Yeonjun that you had a hot date!” Sehun shrieks like an estrogen filled teenager.

 

“What?” Eunhyuk’s monkey, spiked hair almost swings by my left cheek. He nearly tosses his controller on the ground too but instead, chooses to shoot an enemy right in the head. “Since when did you get a hot date?” he asks after executing his move.

 

Even Howon, who is sitting on my right, shifts his gaze at me. In a firm voice, he asks, “Leia . . . is that true? That you were on a date?”

 

“Umm . . .”

 

Okay, either lie or have Yeonjun make fun of me till eternity. I think the former is better. Yeonjun would never find out about my misfortune right? Right . . .

 

“Yeah, Nam Leia!” Eunhyuk chucks his controller onto the floor and seizes my arm. Luckily, Myungsoo is smart enough to hit pause or else we’d be game over. Eunhyuk again barks, “You better fess up soon or else I’m going to—“

 

“Okay, okay,” I admit hurriedly before Eunhyuk can tickle my ribs. No one can handle the “Eunhyuk Rib Jab”. He literally probes at your ribs and then somehow, his fingers graze along them like soft feathers. I don’t know how many times he has forced a secret out of me or from anyone else like that. I’d rather not endure that torturous session, so I settle on lying, “I did go on a hot date.”

 

“Oh my god!” Sehun shrieks and immediately leaps in front of me to block my view of the plasma screen. I had just hit the resume button and now, I think I just got shot at by some enemy commander. Jesus, Sehun. Quick. Pause. “Spill!” Sehun urges, “Spill everything!”

 

Sometimes, I wonder too if Sehun is gay. Whenever we have gaming sessions, he is the one that suggests Cooking Mama, Gardening Mama or any of the Mama series. He even forces us to try out those styling games; we honestly dread the days that it’s his turn to select the game of the night. Whenever we play more violent games, like God of War, Sehun is always squealing when the enemy’s head is chopped off or if there are very graphic scenes. Then, I remember that he probably plays the most girls out of all these guys. Why?

 

He understands women way better than these guys. Plus, he likes to hide at my office in university from the girls he picks up at my university. Sure, I may have a key to lock my place, but each of the boys somehow made a duplicate of my key. I just never figured out who actually borrowed my key in the first place to do that. Never mind about that though. The point is that Sehun is quite the ladies’ man.

 

“I think it is better for you to tell us unless you want Sehun and Eunhyuk bugging you at bed time with crazy phone calls and texts,” Myungsoo, who decides to continues the game, comments nonchalantly.

 

Agreed. Myungsoo is right. I have to weasel my way through this somehow. It’s okay. I’ll just lie once more. “Umm . . . a friend introduced us,” I mumble. “He was a nice guy.”

 

“What?” Sehun squeals in my ear and almost spits in my eye. I’m fast enough to back away so that his saliva just lands on my lap. “That’s all you have to say about him?” Sehun seizes my shoulders and shakes me back and forth.

 

Eunhyuk progresses to complain with a scornful frown, “Leia, are you shi.tting us or—“

 

“No, I am not shi.tting you,” I turn to glare back at him and interrupt. “He was also sweet and polite. He had a cute smile too, and he asked me out a second time.”

 

A second time . . . meaning bride gown shopping with his fiancée and company during the week. I forgot to mention that I got a text from him after I became sober. Sungyeol told me that I had agreed to go shopping with Sohee next week for her dress. Her family would be there too, and he also apologized that he wouldn’t be there. He didn’t want to see the dress to lay some curse on their wedding. I remembered reading that long text message and thinking that I must have had too much champagne at that time. That was why I agreed to shopping without much thought. Great. I suddenly recognize that I’m going to be fitted in some hideous bridesmaid wear because the couple doesn’t want to spend extra money on the other people. Plus, I can’t look better than the bride. The bridesmaid is always supposed to be uglier than the bride.

 

“Oh my god!” Sehun throws his arms around me to embrace me, almost suffocating me in the process. “I’m so excited for you! Our little virgin is growing up!”

“Finally,” Eunhyuk lets out a sigh, “Finally, you’re going to stop being a nun.”

 

“Hey!” I bark at him as I try to push Sehun away. “Just because I respect my own body and choose to abstain from sex, doesn’t mean that I’m a nun, okay?”

 

“Yeah, but who hasn’t even kissed a guy?” Eunhyuk scowls at me with a slanted smirk. “Huh? Leia, are you . . .”

 

“No! I’m straight! Okay?”

 

“Oh,” Eunhyuk breathes out loudly, “I thought we’d be able to see some girl-on-girl one day. That’s kind of hot, you know?”

 

I’m about to scream once more at this annoying monkey when Howon utters calmly, “Eunhyuk, don’t be so harsh on Leia. Leia just has a tough time finding the right guy. Right, Leia?”

 

“Exactly, Howon.” I nod my head up and down and up and down. “Exactly.”

 

“I think Leia should try to expand her opportunities,” Myungsoo suddenly suggests.

 

“What do you mean?” Sehun wonders by pouting his lips together and placing an index finger over them.

 

“If she wants to increase her probabilities of finding the proper mate, then she should stop hanging out with us on Saturdays,” Myungsoo clarifies in a very, very robotic tone. I swear he is that tin man from the Wizard of Oz, the one that lost his heart?

 

Sehun instantly scoffs like a diva, “Oh! That is absolutely outrageous! Myungsoo, how dare you even—“

 

“Oh my god!” I release the controller that has been resting in my now sweaty hands and slam my fist on my palm. “That’s a brilliant idea, Myungsoo!”

 

“What?” Eunhyuk growls at me. “You’re not really . . . putting hoes before bros right? I mean, that goes against the rules of friendship. It’s always bros before—“

 

“I’m not a bro, okay? I don’t have a pe—“

 

“Language, Leia,” Howon reminds me.

 

“Well, you get the point, and penis is a biologically acceptable word. In fact, I can remember in my senior year of high school, we were taught sexual reproduction and we had to label the penis as penis.” Accidentally, I digress and before you know it, I have to cough a few times to get back on track. Then, I state, “The point is that I think I’ve been hanging out with you guys so much that I’ve lost my femininity. I think . . . I think . . . that’s why I am single!”

 

“Leia . . .”

 

“Yes, Park Myungsoo?”

 

“I do have to make a point.” Myungsoo adjusts his glasses again and stares at me sternly with his cat-like mono-lids. “Before you met us, you were already single. So, I think there is more to this than just us.”

 

“Mmm? Th-th-then . . . what’s wrong?” I stammer. “What’s wrong with me?”

 

“You don’t do cute stuff, and you don’t care much about your face or body,” Eunhyuk gladly announces to the world. Luckily, it’s just the five of us and it’s not like I’m going to be dating any of these dudes. Can you imagine that? Incest. I shrug my shoulders in my head. Pure incest. Yuck.

 

“O-o-okay . . .” I slur.

 

“You’re like one of us.” I hear Yeonjun’s crisp, clear voice. We all turn to find Yeonjun standing at the doorway. He has a few plastic bags that are presumably filled with takeout food. Suddenly, I feel my stomach growl a few times. I guess we have been gaming too hard that we have forgotten about dinner again. Oops.

Sehun skips from my side to Yeonjun’s to give him a grand hug. “You’re here, Yeonjunnie!” Sehun screeches like a puppy waiting for its master after a week of starvation. “And with food! Since when did you become such a gentleman?”

 

“He probably felt bad for ditching us,” Myungsoo remarks.

 

“Lucky for you, we stay up late,” Eunhyuk chirps.

 

“Oh, Leia, what happened just now also shows how you’re not umm . . .”

 

“What do you mean, Howon?” I tilt my head to the side in awe.

 

Yeonjun enunciates unmistakably as Eunhyuk snatches the bags of food, “Howon means that you should have been the one hugging me and not Sehun. In fact, you should take lessons from Sehun. He does ageyo much better than you.”

 

“B-b-but, Yeonjun . . . that’s unfair! I can do aegyo too!”

 

“Oh really?” Yeonjun scoffs and cocks his head to his right. “Show us right now.”

 

“Right now?”

 

“Ohh! This sounds fun!” Eunhyuk giggles while clapping his hands fiercely. “Show us, Leia! Show us!”

 

I feel like I’m at a club being fed tons and tons of alcohol, and the guys and gals are chanting for me to chug it all down. Do it! Do it! Do it! And obviously, being the stupid, easily peer-pressured and severely competitive fool I am, I obey their order. So, here goes nothing. I am going to do my best aegyo. I think last time on Music Bank, I saw some idol cup his face with his hands and then plaster a bright smile. I’ll do that. I’m sure I can rock that move. Now, one, two, three . . . Cheese!

 

I’m expecting Sehun to squeal or some of the guys to blush. Instead, Yeonjun is raising one of his eyebrows and even folding his arms together. “Leia . . .” he utters.

 

“Yeah, Yeonjun?” I hold my pose and try to smile even wider.

 

“You look . . .”

 

“Yes, Yeonjun?”

 

“You look . . . constipated.”

 

“Hahahahahaha!” Eunhyuk is pounding his fist on the ground while clutching his stomach. “Oh my god, Leia! Hahaha! You should see yourself! Ha!”

 

“Choi Eunhyuk! I’m going to ki—“

 

“Leia, I know you tried your best, but maybe it’s better for you to be yourself,” Howon naturally chimes in.

 

God. I fling my hands towards my cheeks. I want to bury myself now. It was that bad? Did I honestly look constipated? How do I even look when I’m constipated? God, what am I even—

 

“Okay,” Sehun interrupts my thoughts to recommend. “Why don’t you try this? Why don’t you say ‘Oppa, Saranghae’?” Sehun unveils a million dollar grin that reminds me of Kim Hyunjoong. Sehun even does a hair flick with a nicely timed wink. Man, this guy is good. If only I could . . .

 

“Wait . . . Huh?” I ponder aloud.

 

“Oh my god. Leia saying that? That’s hilarious!” Eunhyuk cracks up even harder. He is clapping his hands like crazy; it’s really a bad habit of Eunhyuk’s. Whenever he supports something dearly, he’ll end up like a seal applauding at some aquarium. What’s worse is that in this case, even Myungsoo is smirking and bobbing his head. For Myungsoo to show emotion . . . gosh, I am brilliant at times.

 

“That . . . would be interesting to witness,” Howon adds with his hand pressed on his chin—a look of approval indeed.

 

“So? Go on, Leia! Show us!” Sehun urges.

 

“No, I bet Leia can’t do it,” Yeonjun proclaims and is about to leave to place the food in the kitchen. Thinking of leaving? Mhm, I think not!

 

“What?” I shout and stand on both of my feet to face this six-feet-tall guy. “You think I can’t do aegyo?”

 

“I am almost a hundred percent certain that you will look constipated again.” Yeonjun stops at his tracks to glower at me like a nobleman would to a peasant. That degrading bas.tard.

 

“We’ll see about that,” I challenge. Now, I concentrate hard and think of the cutest dog I have ever witnessed. That’s my oppa. Now, here I go with my fingers curled together to form cheering fists and my lips parted to create a sweet smile: “Oppa! Saranghaeyo!” I even make a small heart sign with my fingers. All the guys have now stopped chattering and are looking at me in utter shock. “What? What? What’s wrong?” I question rather nervously. Am I really that unladylike? Do I look constipated again? Was stupid Yeonjun right?

 

Then, Sehun pounces at me and envelops his arms around me. “Oh my god! You’re even cuter when you’re doing aegyo! Kyah! I love you more than those idols I have to deal with!”

 

I failed to comment that Sehun is in charge of choreographing catchy dances for idol groups. Sehun is the grandson of some famous dance master. It’s sort of natural for Sehun to take on dance. I think he has been doing ballet, jazz, waltz and traditional dance ever since he was five. Sehun is also of an interesting mix—being half-British, a quarter Japanese and a quarter Korean. I’m not sure if it’s because he has been exposed to so many cultures that has made him so open minded and overly touchy. He thinks actions are greater than words, and I think Sehun isn’t teasing me like Yeonjun. Sehun genuinely thinks I am cute, and for what reason, I don’t know. Sehun truly treats me like one of his sisters; in fact, he is the oldest and the only male out of his five sisters.

 

“Wait . . .” I shove Sehun away from me. “So I passed?”

 

Myungsoo gives me a thumbs-up. Howon flashes a sunny smile at me. Eunhyuk nods his head frivolously as well. Only Yeonjun is expressionless; he looks angry in fact with his eyebrows pressed close together.

 

“Yeah, Yeonjun, you should say something,” Howon states.

 

Yeonjun sticks out his tongue and even puts his finger in his mouth, showing me that he wants to vomit. “Yuck. That was really, really gross,” Yeonjun notes and even shivers. “Hope I never see it again.”

 

Then, he advances towards the kitchen to set the food on the table. Right now, I’m too angered by him that I chase after him without thinking. I even holler, “What’s wrong with you, Yeonjun? Why are you always such a party pooper?”

 

“Nothing,” Yeonjun places the bags on the granite counter and utters. “Nothing is wrong.”

 

“To tell you the truth, Yeonjun,” I inform, “sometimes, I really don’t get what you’re doing. Was I that . . . bad?”

 

He shifts his gaze towards me and with a set of critical eyes, grumbles, “Yeah . . . so gross.”

 

“Well, he likes me very much,” I gloat to save my face. “He thinks I’m elegant and pretty.”

 

“Oh god . . .” Yeonjun almost gasps. “Did he say that after you did him or gave him a blow job?”

 

“No!”

 

“Then, you’re lying.”

 

“That is so not true,” I proclaim. “Since when do I lie?”

 

“Because whenever you lie, you like to squint your eyes together and tense your cheeks like a goldfish.”

 

Yeonjun’s leather satchel is lying on one of Howon’s bar chairs. Unbuckling one of the flaps, Yeonjun retrieves a mirror from his bag and sticks it in front of my face. “Okay,” he instructs, “now tell me how much you like to eat green peppers.”

 

“No! That’s stupid! You know how much I hate—“

 

“You wanted to see if that’s what you do when you lie right?”

 

“Well . . . I am curious . . .”

 

“Uh huh, and therefore, to satisfy your curiosity, you should—“

 

“All right! All right!” I snatch the mirror from him and shout with all my might, “I love green peppers! john tesh!” I realize within an instant that Yeonjun is right. My expression reveals my lies. Crap. It’s no wonder I can never be an actress. It’s no wonder that I have always been cast as a pumpkin or some inanimate object for my school plays in elementary school.

 

“See?”

 

“Okay, so it might not have went that well, but he did think I was pretty and that there’d be a second meeting,” I correct.

 

“R-r-r-right.”

 

“Moon Sungyeol also thinks—“

 

“Wait . . . what’d you say his name was?” Yeonjun cuts me off abruptly.

 

“Moon Sungyeol. Why? You know him?”

 

“Not really, but I just feel . . . like I’ve heard of him.”

 

“I doubt it.” I wave my hand at him and chuckle. “Haha! He didn’t even go to the same university as us. There’s no way that you’d know Moon Sungyeol.”

 

Really . . . how small can this world be? Yeonjun knowing Sungyeol . . . Ha. Joke of the century!

 

“But I pretty much know all of your friends,” Yeonjun notes.

 

“Right. Name them.”

 

Counting with his fingers, Yeonjun lists, “Eunhyuk, Howon, Sehun, Myungsoo . . .”

 

“I have more than you guys, you know that?”

 

“Fine. You’re also kind of close with Seohyun, Ara, Hyori, Minwoo and Edward.”

 

“Well, what about my colleagues? Huh? Those are my—“

 

“Oh cut the crap, Leia!” Yeonjun rolls his eyes at me. “You hate your colleagues. Plus, they’re like twice your age and sometimes like to make sexist jokes at you.”

 

True. Very true. I pretty much half-hate my job as an assistant professor. Sure, I am super lucky to even have a job in the first place, but I swear . . . that the working environment is awful. I also hate my students and teaching in general. I don’t even know why I’m in this job in the first place. Oh right . . . stability and prestige. And supposedly to snag or wow a man with my position. Right. . . probably would be easier for me to be some professor’s mistress. Ugh, yuck.

 

“All right,” I try my best to debate, “then what about—“

 

“Trust me, I know all your friends,” Yeonjun sighs.

 

“Yeah, well, you missed Sungyeol. I just never bothered to introduce you to him or the other guys. He’s my secret hot candy okay?”

 

“Hot candy?” Yeonjun does his signature look that really just says: “I don’t know what you are saying because you sound really, really stupid. So stop shi.tting me and redeem yourself by explaining your stupidity.”

 

“Whatever,” I tell him. “You get the point, and I have high school and elementary school friends too!”

 

“That you don’t even hang out with anymore . . .”

 

“Well you don’t know my texting capabilities!” I argue. “I can maintain many friendships!”

 

“The point is . . . is that you’re lying.”

 

“I’m not, and I’ll prove it to you guys.”

 

“How?” Yeonjun inquires. “How?”

 

“I’m going to take a picture of Sungyeol the next time we meet.”

 

“Sure, sure,” he scoffs once more.

“You’ll see, Yeonjun,” I urge. “You’ll wish that you had never challenged me!” Then, I quickly direct myself to Howon’s room only to find that all the other boys are crouching around the corridor leading to the kitchen to eavesdrop. “Yeah! If you heard everything, then at least say something!” I shout at them, who instantly dash for the food and ignore me.

Eunhyuk pretends to act dumb and adds, “Well, I can’t read lips. You, Sehun? Can you read lips?”

Sehun shakes his head, agreeing, “No, I most definitely can’t.”

“And I have no interest in retaining whatever information that was given,” Myungsoo emphasizes while passing by me.

As for Howon, he gives me a gentle smile and pats me on the head. “Good luck, Leia,” he hums.

So, there I am . . . alone to go back to game. It seems too embarrassing to join the boys for a late dinner, but now, my stomach is crying out loud for food. My stomach is urging me to eat or else I will rage and be the second Hulk. Okay, for the sake of living, I head back to the kitchen. Eunhyuk is already eating without using cutlery. What a monkey. Howon is scolding Eunhyuk while handing him some chopsticks and a bowl. Myungsoo is already collecting food in his plate. Yeonjun is pouring drinks for the other boys. Only Sehun greets me with a cute, cheerful wave. “Leia, Leia! Sit here!” He points to the tiny spot he has left on his chair. Yeah, Sehun has a duck butt. Still, I think it’s sweet, so I listen to him and squeeze in a chair with him. “Here! Open up!” Sehun uses his chopsticks to snatch a piece of squid and tosses it in my mouth. As I’m chewing, he asks, “Good, right?”

Ah, I’m in food heaven. I’m floating already with tiny wings. Yup . . . this is love. Mmm, I think, I think I’m about to experience a foodgasm, and I'm about to--

“Of course it’s good.” I open my eyes to find Yeonjun sporting a dreadful grimace. “I bought the food.”

And that’s when I realize that I really have to win this challenge. I can’t let Yeonjun ruin my life forever.


	3. Curiosity 3: Pregnant, Engaged, and Set to Marry

I’m not even sure why I am so nice in the first place to follow through with Sungyeol’s demand. Actually, I was thinking of bailing, but after Sungyeol kept dropping by my office to remind me of the date I had with his future wife, I . . . had no excuse to refuse. He even bribed me with my daily dose of apple juice. Really, I’m a huge fan of apples. I can’t go on living a day without my apple juice just like how coffee addicts need their morning rush of caffeine.

 

So, here I am standing in front of the largest, wedding boutique in Seoul. This is where I want to buy my own dream wedding dress in the future. It’s a shame that I have to step in here first for someone else. Honestly, I hate my life, and to prevent other people from recognizing me and then causing more drama in my life, I wear my oversized, Chanel sunglasses and a black Dior bag. Classy like Audrey Hepburn. I’m really just missing some pearls, a little black dress, and some white gloves to be at Breakfast in Tiffany’s in an Asian style. But really . . . who am I joking here?

 

I’m just in a pair of black skinny jeans, black, velvet blazer, a black, chiffon blouse, and wedged black heels with a bit of fur. Yes, I’m pretty decked out in the colour of sombre, which totally wrecks the whole wedding feeling. The Dior bag was a gift from the boys for my twenty-fifth birthday; they thought I needed some elegance in my life. I don’t really mind though. Seriously. After that trick Sungyeol pulled to make me become Sohee’s maid of honour, I think I deserve to play a few games here and there. Obviously, I’m not going to be a home wrecker. My mom would kill me for that, but I’m sure my mother wouldn’t mind me bullying the bride from time to time.

 

All right, I say to myself. I can do this.

 

I push through the door and immediately, a woman greets me and asks, “Hello Miss, do you have an appointment?”

 

“Ugh . . . I’m supposed to be accompanying . . . Sohee?” I answer rather nervously.

 

The woman looks through her book of appointments, and then greets me with a smile. “Ah,” she directs me, “right this way.”

 

I take off my sunglasses and slip them in my bag. I can’t bother to put them in the proper case. I’m pretty sure Sehun would throw a tantrum at me for not taking care of my belongings well enough. Whatever. He’s not here. Who gives a damn? Hehe.

 

As I follow the woman, I realize that I’m being directed to a special room. Usually, family members or friends of the bride would be waiting on some couch in public. However, we’re moving past those areas and diving deeper into this magnificent boutique. Really, you’d think this place would be puny, but inside, there are the high ceilings, grandiose chandeliers, racks and racks of dresses and mannequins posing in various positions.

 

“Miss,” the woman opens a door decorated in gold and embellished with intricate carvings, “we are here.”

 

Inside the room, which is really like the size of a castle’s dining room, I see a young lady wearing a long-sleeved, cream, lace dress, beige Tory Burch flats, and a pearl pendant. She is sitting on a burgundy, velvet couch like a pageant queen with her legs slanted to the side. That . . . is one innocent-looking woman. Sungyeol’s ideal? Oh God. I don’t even need to crash a wedding, and I’m already in no competition with this girl. She and I are on the opposite sides of the spectrum. She is like a living doll with extremely delicate features and long, wavy hair. I feel like if I sneezed on her, she would not survive. If I even teased her, she would cry till rain would start to pour from the sky. Plus, I can just imagine her perfect aegyo. I admit it. I lose. I get why he is getting married and not asking me to marry him.

 

Damn. I feel like I got charred by charizard’s flame thrower. Make me a water pokemon too.

 

“Excuse me, but are you . . . Nam Leia?” she quietly asks.

 

Even more damn. She has such a meek, soft voice that could sink any sailor’s ship. The Asian Little Mermaid would have been her. Darn it. Why do I have to face such stiff competition? My self-esteem is crushed. I think I’m never going to get married. She is clearly much better looking than Sungyeol, and she settled with him? I’m not saying that Sungyeol is ugly. He’s just above average with his tallness and tolerable eyes and nose. His job isn’t amazing to score such a beautiful girl, and here I am helping him . . . He is one lucky bas.tard.

 

“Yes,” I answer and realize how manly I sound compared to her. Even when she is the height of an average model, I feel gigantic beside her. I just have a bit more meat all around.

 

As I approach her and eventually take my seat beside her, she smiles very serenely before announcing, “It’s a pleasure meeting you. I heard from Sungyeol that you have known him for quite a while now. I really have to thank you for being there for him. I’m sure Sungyeol brings a lot of trouble to people.” She even grabs onto my hands to add, “I’m really sorry for asking you to be my maid of honour. It’s just that . . . I’ve never really had any female friends.”

 

She is looking at me with those sweet eyes that I feel like I can’t do much, but to be nice. “It’s fine.”

 

“Really? Are you sure? I was getting so worried that you would hate me.”

 

“Why?”

 

“I don’t know.” She places a finger on her lips and pouts. “All the girls that I’ve met ended up . . . hating me.”

 

Yeah, I can kind of understand why. When you’re close to being perfect, of course, you will have jealous females. That’s what women are particularly good at being: jealous.

 

“Sohee?”

 

I whizz my head towards the man’s voice, and then I almost shriek when I see the guy that has already entered the room. In fact, I jump up from my seat and aim my finger towards him like I’m choosing the murderer from a set of head shots. I’m about to scream why in the world is he doing here, but then, something stops me. I don’t think . . . it’s Yeonjun. It can’t be Yeonjun; Yeonjun would never be caught dead wearing a pair of slouchy, grey sweat pants and a colourful, graffiti hoodie paired with a black beanie. However, this man looks exactly like him. They have the same milky skin, nose length and eyes. Luckily, they don’t share the same smile. Yeonjun’s smile oozes of conspiracy, while this guy’s is just genuinely pleasant. Could he be . . . Yeonjun’s doppelganger? Did those things even exist in the real world? I always thought they were just literary or psychological terms, but . . . he looks too much like Yeonjun! Ah! I want to pull at my hair!

 

“Is something the matter, Miss?” the copycat asks.

 

Oh my lord. He even sounds like Yeonjun, except this guy’s voice is slightly higher and nicer. Luckily, Sohee interrupts, “Oppa, this is Sungyeol’s friend, Nam Leia. She’ll be my maid of honour!” Then, Sohee looks at me and grins. “Leia, this is my oppa, Lee Minjun.”

 

Minjun. Phew. So it’s not Yeonjun. Honestly, Minjun is Yeonjun’s doppelganger. Just wait till I tell Yeonjun this. He’d freak out. Now, if only I could take a photo. . .

 

“Nice to meet you, Minjun,” I cut off my own thoughts to greet with a bow as Minjun heads towards us and takes a seat beside Sohee.

 

“You know . . . you look kind of familiar,” Minjun, all of a sudden, utters. “I feel like I’ve seen you somewhere, but I just can’t . . .”

 

“Well, this is the first time I’ve met you,” I reassure him. “I’m usually pretty good with names, so there’s no way we’ve met before.”

 

“Yeah,” Minjun releases a chuckle while answering, “you’re probably right!” Then, he shifts his attention towards Sohee and asks, “So . . . is hyung going to come?”

 

“Yeah, he should be here soon,” Sohee replies in an uneasy tone. “I mean, when I talked to him, he said he had a meeting but can make it afterwards. That’s why I scheduled this in the afternoon.”

 

“Well,” Minjun lifts his oversized, chunky plastic watch and utters, “looking at the time, he seems to be--“

 

“Just on time.”

 

Mark my words as I begin to write my will. I regret challenging Yeonjun. In fact, if someone handed me a shovel right now, I would accept it and dig my own dirt grave. I would hide there like a vampire and wake up at night to run back to my place. What I am experiencing right now is way too humiliating that I think that there is really fate. I just keep on encountering embarrassing moments with Yeonjun. This has been a recurring trend growing at an exponential rate for the past few years now. Yeonjun manages to see the worst in me, and I joke not.

 

“Wh-wh-what are you doing here?” Yeonjun gapes at me with a fairly disdainful glare.

 

“Wow, I can’t believe it . . . hyung! We all thought you were going to skip out on—“

 

“Leia . . .” Yeonjun ignores Minjun’s words and inquires. “Can I have a word with you?”

 

“Oh, Leia, you know my oppa? Yeonjun? Oh my god! This is such a small world! I’m so excited for my wedding now! It’s going to be perfect!” Sohee squeals and clings onto my hands. We’re jumping up and down foolishly from the sofa. My eyes though are still nervously glimpsing at Yeonjun’s. He is not a happy camper. He is the destructive, bratty kid at camp that everyone hates. Damn. Now, Sohee makes things even worse by asking, “So, Leia, how do you know my oppa? Are you two—“

 

“No!” both of us scream in unison and point at each other. “We’re not dating! Who would ever date him/her?”

 

“Aw, Minjun, they are so cute! I think they’re a match in heaven!” She turns to address Minjun with a glowing smile. Then, she focuses on Yeonjun again to say, “Oppa, I’m so happy that you’ve found the one for you. I’ve always been worried about you.”

 

Huh? Worried about Yeonjun? The fu.ck? I think someone has been taking the wrong pills here. Yeonjun has no problems in the dating world. He has had a few steady girlfriends unlike me. Girls approach him at bars too . . . unlike me. He has asked out a few ladies too . . . unlike me. I think someone should be worried about me instead.

 

“Yo, hyung, is she really your girlfriend?” Minjun asks. I still can’t get used to the fact that someone has the same face and genetic makeup as Yeonjun. I mean, there is no other explanation for this except that they are twins. Somehow, it’s a miracle that I can tell them apart. Actually, now that I think of it, it’s really easy. The bit.chy one is Yeonjun and the nice one is Minjun. Oh, and Yeonjun has a tiny mole on his upper lip and a small freckle at the left side of his neck. Minjun is free of moles.

 

“Leia . . . can I now have a word with you . . . in private?”

 

“Yeah . . . sure.”

 

We make our way out of the whole store and into the bloody coldness. As soon as that door shuts behind me, Yeonjun demands, “So . . . explain yourself.”

 

“Explain what? There’s nothing to explain. Aha.” I giggle nervously.

 

“Right. Why the hell are you my sister’s maid of honour?”

 

“Your sister . . . you know, she really doesn’t look like you,” I point out.

 

“She’s my half-sister, but that’s beside the point.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“Anyhow, I thought someone wasn’t lying. Cough. Cough.”

 

“Well, you see, who knew Sungyeol would get married? Aha. I mean, he was taking me to go bridal gown shopping or at least that’s what I thought! Who knew it’d . . . be your sister that he wanted to a buy a dress for? Ugh.” I pretend to play dumb and even slam my palm against my forehead.

 

“Mhm, I knew you were lying anyhow. Seemed too good to be true.”

 

“Just you wait, Yeonjun. I’ll find my man.”

 

“before then, just be a good maid of honour, okay? Don’t play games and—“

 

“Wait, Yeonjun, you like her! You like your own sister!”

 

“Wh-wh-what? What makes you think that?”

 

“You’re never so . . .”

 

“You’re thinking too much, Leia. She’s my sister for god’s sake.”

 

Then . . . why did it seem like he sprinted over here? There’s some sweat on the back of his white button-up shirt. His tie is even slightly loosened probably because he was in a hurry to sprint to this place. Quietly, I say to myself, “Well, if I’m bad at lying, then you are too. Stupid.”

 

Out of the blue, Yeonjun swivels around and harks at me, “What’d you call me?”

 

“Don’t worry.” I tap his arm a few times. “I know what I need to do for you.”

 

“W-w-wait! What?”

 

“I get it.” I nod thrice. “I get that you’re stuck in this forbidden love, so don’t worry, since you’re my bff, I’m going to be on your side and wreck a wedding for you.”

 

“What?” Yeonjun hollers so noisily that I need to cover my ears with my palms.

 

“Sheesh! You’re trying to get my deaf or something?” I grumble under my breath. “And here I was doing you a favour.”

 

“What favour? Who said you needed to—“

 

“Tsk.” I place my finger on his lips to silence him. Thankfully, I’m wearing five inch heels for this to even be possible. “You don’t have to say anything anymore. I totally know what we have to do to rip them apart. Then, you can win over your beloved’s heart! I’m a genius, aren’t I?”

 

Yeonjun flicks my forehead, causing me to groan in pain. “No!” he bellows. “You’re frigging retarded! Have you even been paying attention to what I said? I don’t—“

 

“Yeonjun, don’t lie to yourself, buddy,” I cut him off. “I know how hard it is to be hiding behind a façade. If you love her, then just say it. I won’t judge. I swear.”

“No, seriously, Leia, I don’t like her like—“

 

“Yeonjun,” I interrupt once more. “Just chill. Leave everything to me. I’ve got it covered. Bros before hoes right?”

 

“Whatever, Leia. Honestly, just do whatever you want.”

 

“Yay Yeonjun! See? I knew you could be cute like Sehun too! Gosh, why can’t you be cooperative all the time, Yeonjun? Mm?” I fling my arms around him and give him an aggressive hug. It’s always Sehun who is hugging me, so I really don’t know how much force I should put into this. Oh well, I think, and as I’m about to loosen my grasp, I feel a set of arms locking me in place. They’re Yeonjun’s, and they are astonishingly gentle. I think the last time he hugged me like this was when I found out a guy only asked me out because of a dare with his friend. Apparently, that guy and his friend wanted to break the Ice Queen. Yes, with my fu.ck-off face, I’m sure people think I’m like Myungsoo on his super unapproachable days. Never mind, Myungsoo though. This hug . . . is really too compassionate to be true. Usually, Yeonjun would make some sarcastic remark or scoff at me. Instead, I feel so close to him; our hips are pressing against each other. I’m not very sure when I’m supposed to let go.

 

As I’m pondering, I think I hear Yeonjun whisper, “And why can’t you just understand?”

 

“Understand what?”

 

“Hey, what’s taking you guys so . . . oh, oops! I didn’t mean to interrupt you guys,” Minjun chirps.

 

“Ugh, look what you’ve done, Leia!” Yeonjun backs away and glares at me. “Now, Minjun is misunderstanding us. Knowing my idiotic brother, he’s going to blab about this.”

 

Immediately, a thought flashes through my mind. I know, I know this idea isn’t very creative, and I’ve probably been watching too many Asian dramas to replace the lack of romance in my life. However, I think in this case, this clichéd scheme will work, and so, I reassure Yeonjun, “It’s okay! I think it’ll work in our favour.”

 

“Huh?” Yeonjun does that eyebrow lift again.

 

“You’ll see, Yeonjun,” I state confidently. “I have the perfect plan for you.” I do my best wink at him, which turns out to be a disaster because both of my eyes blink and my mouth extends to both sides.

 

Yeonjun chuckles instead of thanking me. “Sh.it, Leia, you’re constipating again.”

 

“Fu.ck you, Yeonjun,” I holler. “Really, fu.ck you!”

 

Placing his hand on his cheek, he utters, “Actually, being john teshed by you doesn’t seem that that bad. At least you don’t come with a Richard.”

“Thanks, Yeonjun.” I purposely release a long sigh. “How heartwarming. And aren’t you glad that I also came with assets?”

“That are rather questionable.”

 

“Hey!” I shout while pounding my chest. “These are B cups, okay?”

 

“If you ask me, I think you’re pushing it.” Yeonjun exhales a deep breath. “I’m pretty sure I’ve seen some A cups hanging around your drawers.”

 

“What? You went through my stuff?”

 

“Yo!” Yeonjun reminds me. “I had to help you pack one day. Remember? You were moving from your home to your new apartment?”

 

I’m trying to go through my memories like a computer searching for a file. I’m inputting the title of the document, Moving to apartment, in my head. I should have created a folder of it in my head since it was a rather important process. So . . . within seconds, I remember what Yeonjun is referring to, and that memory even brings a tiny smile to my face. I remember how chaotic the whole moving process was. Actually, I had written down the wrong date for my move and so I thought I had loads of time to pack. Thankfully, the movers called the day before, which meant I really had one night to throw everything in cardboard boxes. To tell you the truth, I had not even gotten any cardboard boxes. I was super desperate for help at that point; thus, I decided to call on the guys. Sehun made up some excuse that he couldn’t move because he never liked to do anything that would strain his muscles. Eunhyuk, on the other hand, had to show houses that day; he is a real estate agent after all. Myungsoo had a program to write and that was due the next day. Howon was on a business trip in Tokyo, so there was really only Yeonjun. He, at first, told me that he had a lunch date, but after five minutes of shouting at him about how screwed I was for this move, he reluctantly agreed to help me pack. He also managed to bring tons of cardboard boxes and duct tape over to my parent’s place.

 

You’d think that my parents would be surprised to see a man helping me pack, but really, they treat Yeonjun like their son. I’m sure they like Yeonjun more than me. They are always feeding him snacks and telling him to stay over to eat. They think he is the most well-mannered guy, and they don’t understand why I don’t have feelings for him. Really, Mom and Dad? Really? You think I’m going to fall for someone that may be prettier than me when in women’s clothing? You think I’m going to date someone that constantly engages in a battle of sarcasm with me? You think I’m really going to even consider kissing someone that has shared with me his sexual encounters? Umm . . . no, no and no.

 

Because we pretty much have no feelings for each other, I don’t care about Yeonjun being in my room. In fact, he has slept over several times, and we even shared a bed together on all those occasions. Sometimes, he gets so drunk that he goes to any of our places, and since he has the spare key to my apartment, he enters without telling me. Now if it were anyone else, I’d get really pissed off, but since he’s my go to person whenever I lose my key, I let him be. I’m pretty sure he has seen all of my sides, except for my naked one. Thank goodness for that, but that doesn’t mean that he needed to go check out my bra size.

 

That’s why I tell him, “Oh . . . but you didn’t have to handle my lingerie.”

 

Yeonjun’s frown deepens as he explains, “Who was the one that said she couldn’t fold underwear and bras properly? Huh? Who made me go Google how to do these things?”

 

Right . . . I was so stressed that point that I told him to stuff everything and try to fold all of my clothes as compactly as possible. I’m sure it was that time that I told him that I had no idea how to actually put away my lingerie.

 

“Okay, okay,” I admit. “So it was my fault, but really, I outgrew those As.”

 

“R-r-right.” Yeonjun rolls his eyes naturally.

 

I use one hand to grope my breasts to show him my point. “Honestly, look!” I point with a free finger towards my chest. “Look at these babies! They’re B babies!”

“On their best days,” he corrects me. “Before menstruation.”

 

“Hey!” I grab one of his hands and places it on top of my chest. “See? That’s a B.” Unexpectedly, he uses both of his hands to give my breasts a good squeeze as if he were squirting lemon juice to season some smoke salmon. “Hey!” I shriek while pushing him away from me. “Who said you could grope them? Huh?”

 

“What? You offered me to test them out,” he muttered with his eyebrows scrunched up together. “And I say they’re A/B, but mainly a large A. You got an A though! You should be proud. Hehe.”

 

“Fu.ck you!”

 

Yeonjun releases a sigh while shaking his head. “You know if you keep saying that, I’m going to believe that you’re offering me to fu.ck you.”

 

“W-w-w-well, screw you!”

 

“Leia, those are synonyms.”

 

“W-w-well, you’re a—“

 

“Leia? Yeonjun?” It’s Minjun again. He probably thought it was odd how we never returned to the store and how we were still standing outside. “Are you two bickering as a couple?” Minjun now asks. "Honestly, when you guys said you weren't dating, I really didn't believe you two."

 

“We aren’t—“

 

Immediately, I cut Yeonjun off and swing my arm around his waist. “Ah yes, we are actually dating! Yeonjun just likes to keep our relationship in the dark. I mean, we've been best friends for too long, so it's weird to sort of tell our friends about our status. Anyhow, Yeonjun just doesn’t think I should ever get dresses from here. Actually, I’m not even sure if Yeonjun has considered marrying me.” Yeonjun, at this moment, gives me a huge elbow towards my back. I squeeze his waist that he winces a bit aloud. “I mean, he should right?” I continue to wonder. “We’ve been together for so long. He should be responsible for taking away my innocence. Cough. Cough.”

 

“Oh . . . wow, Yeonjun,” Minjun notes with an extremely puzzled expression. “I had no idea . . . that you were—“

 

“Yeah, I actually have no id—“

 

“Oh, Yeonjun, don’t be shy!” I quickly interrupt. “I know you’ve always wanted us to be a secret, but I think it’s time we came clean.”

 

“About?”

 

“Our relationship, silly! Actually, I’m also pregnant with your kid, Yeonjun, so you have to marry me,” I threaten in a smooth tone.

 

“What?” Yeonjun shrieks along with Minjun. I can see that they really are twins. They even make the same gestures with their open palms by their sides and shoulder shrugs.

 

“Oh Jesus, Yeonjun, don’t act so surprised,” I add. “With the amount of unprotected sex we had, of course, I was bound to be pregnant. I mean, sure, I could have taken birth control pills, but I thought it was time that we moved on with our relationship.”

 

The two boys are twitching their eyes at me. Okay, so my story may send a little far-fetched and maybe, I shouldn’t have mentioned the unprotected sex and should have went with the love we shared, but I’m sure Minjun would believe me. He already thinks we are a couple right? Sure enough, Minjun announces, “Well, congratulations, Hyung! There’ll be three weddings for us! Junghoon’s, Sohee’s and yours! Though . . . I’m not very sure what Appa would say. Ah, Leia, you’ve got to stay strong when facing our father, okay? He can be a—“

 

“Minjun, can you just give us a minute?”

 

“Sure!”

 

“Leia! What the hell are you thinking?” Yeonjun barks at me.

 

“Didn’t I say I had a perfect plan?”

 

“Which involves me impregnating you and us getting married as result of that? How is that even a perfect plan? Huh?”

 

“Rest assured, amigo.” I give his arm a few pats. “You will get the girl in the end.”

 

“That’s not the point here, Leia!”

 

“What do you mean by that’s not the point?”

 

“Ugh!” Yeonjun thrashes his arms in the air and messes up his hair in the process. “You started this mess and you’ll be the one cleaning it up! Okay?”

 

“Don’t worry,” I answer along with a nod. “We’ll break up before we know it. I’ll also lose the baby too. Don’t worry and trust me, buddy. It’ll just be in front of these people.”

 

“And my parents! Knowing Minjun, he’s going to blab to them, and that’ll just be troublesome.”

 

“I’ll shut his mouth somehow.”

 

“Right. It’s not going to work. Just tell them the truth. Please?”

 

Yeonjun’s “please” is making me waver. This guy never says anything polite to me, but as a friend, I can’t let him down. I already promised to help him fulfill his desire for his half-sister, so I need to be loyal and keep to my word. I’m not going to make him ignore his feelings. He’s my best friend! I’m not going to be a bad friend!

 

Shaking my head, I inform him, “No . . .Yeonjun. We are going with my plan.”

 

“Leia . . .” he suddenly calls out.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“You know that there’s no going back beyond this point?”

 

I’m not really sure what he means by that, but I just spontaneously pretend to understand. “Yeah,” I agree. “Of course I know there’s no turning back.”

 

“Okay . . . as long as you know . . . that you’re in it for the long run, then . . .”

 

Long run? I guess he means like a year or two? That seems pretty long, and I seriously doubt I’ll find anyone special at this point. I still have four years before I hit the big 30. Then, I’ll start panicking, and I’ll even begin to consider freezing my eggs. I’ll get Myungsoo to figure that out. For now, it’ll be to help out Yeonjun, my best friend!

 

“Seriously, Yeonjun, don’t sweat it!” I announce.

 

“Okay, well, I guess I should tell you that I actually have a fiancée that my parents want me to marry,” Yeonjun unexpectedly confesses. What? Fiancee? What? Since when was Yeonjun taken? Since when was he part of some arranged marriage? How old school has he been living his life? Huh? And before I can even process anything, Yeonjun carries on to say, “Oh, and I’m actually preparing to take over my Dad’s company, La Reine de Glace.”

 

Insert the moment to faint and wake up in some hospital. Really. I’m wide awake. I’m just in shock. La Reine de Glace, Ice Queen? One of the largest cosmetic companies in Korea? What gold mine did I hit? Call me a gold digger, but . . . when you learn that your most likely unemployed best friend is some CEO in the making, of course, your heart will skip way too many beats. When he looks good and is capable of working, then . . . really, what lotto jackpot did I cash in on? But wait . . . snap out of it, Leia! You are not a gold digger! You are just a good friend who is concerned about a friend’s love life! You are just . . . thinking that . . . maybe . . . Yeonjun can introduce a good guy to you. He must have great connections! Oh goodness. I feel so selfish. Argh, Nam Leia, you have to—

 

“Leia . . .” Yeonjun gently notes. “I know what you’re thinking. You pretty much have dollar signs in your eyes. Ka-ching! Ka-ching!” He clears his throat now to add, “And this is why I didn’t want to tell any of you guys what I was doing. You’d probably treat me like some zoo animal, wanting me to introduce people to you guys or asking me what I actually do.”

 

“Okay!” I raise my right hand up to pledge. “I promise I will not ask you anything about your lifestyle, and I will not see you as a gold block or a dollar sign!”

 

“And you won’t ask me to introduce good guys to you?” he questions.

 

“No! I will not ask you to . . . but . . . what if I hit 30 and I’m still rotting?” I mumble quietly.

 

“Then, I’ll just donate my sperm to you,” Yeonjun nonchalantly suggests.

 

“Oh, that sounds pretty good. I mean, if I want to . . . wait, what?” I direct my finger at him. “What? You actually fathering my child? That’s so messed up!”

 

“What? I’m doing you a favour. You still want a kid to take care of you when you’re old right?”

 

I fold my arms, sighing, “Ugh, that sounds so wrong.”

 

“Don’t worry.” Yeonjun now pats my head and squishes me down. “I’m willing to bet one of my testicles that you’ll marry before 40.”

 

“That . . . sounds . . . awful. And why would I want one of your testicles?” I shout.

 

“Not sure.” He lifts his shoulders then quickly relaxes them. “Sperm for your kid?”

 

“Ugh! You know what? Let’s just stop talking about this, and go back in,” I advise while making my way for the store’s entrance. Without any notification, Yeonjun wraps his arm around my waist and gives me that nasty, evil smirk. “Wh-wh-what are you doing?” I sputter.

 

“Why, darling, I’m showering you with love,” he responds. “Wasn’t that part of your lovely plan?”

 

“Yeah, but umm . . . we really don’t have to be, you know, the loving sort of couple?”

 

“Wouldn’t it be weird if we got fu.ck so many times but have no passion in real life?”

 

“Well, about the fu.cking . . .”

 

“You’re the one that said we had unprotected sex for so many times, so I think you pretty much defined our relationship as one that is filled with lust and should burn out in a few months,” he wittingly prompts me.

 

And . . . sob, sob, sob . . . this is why . . . I need to think before I act.


	4. Off to the Slaughterhouse

Dinner for four. Location: French bistro. Really. That’s just splendid. I mean, surely, after watching Sohee try on many designer gowns that made me shriek after hearing the hefty price tags they came with, it isn’t really necessary for us to be here to rejoice. After all, Sohee never managed to pick a dress. She said she couldn’t feel the emotions of finding the one overcome her, which was how she felt when she first saw Sungyeol. Yuck. Let me go throw up in a waste basket now. Honestly, the way she worded things sounded rather perverted. It seemed more like a girlfriend explaining to us about her great orgasm, and I’m sure Yeonjun could read my mind because he had that discerning look pasted on his face that was warning me not to think so immaturely.  
  
Now, Sohee heaves a heavy sigh as she sinks her head in the menu. Instantly, Minjun asks, “What’s wrong, Sohee? Still upset that we couldn’t find the perfect dress for you? Mm?”  
  
I think I still can’t get over the fact that Minjun and Yeonjun are twins. I have to remind myself that these two are different people because in all honesty, if Yeonjun were ever to use that tone with me, I think it’d be the day that he turned gay. Trust me. Yeonjun is the straightest guy ever; he’s kind of homophobic, which is something we always frown upon him. He doesn’t criticize or bash homosexuals aloud nor does he ever hate them. However, he just can’t stand the sight of two men kissing. His face just naturally forms that judgemental stare paired with a revolting sneer. Still, he tries his best to pretend that nothing is wrong, and the guys and I all accept that, at least, he is trying.  
  
“No,” Sohee shakes her head and sulks, “it’s just that . . . I’m worried . . . you know? Like . . . if I don’t find the dress, then . . . does that mean Sungyeol and I aren’t supposed to marry?”  
  
Oh my god. I almost burst out laughing at her statement that I have to take a huge sip of water to silence my jeering. Honestly? Seriously? What kind of logic does she go by? I mean . . . how can Yeonjun even like such a stupid girl? I shoot him a glare, causing him to ramble, “Wh-wh-what? Something on my face?”  
  
“No,” I utter upon placing my glass on the table with a clink, “I think it’s on your cheek. Here. Let me get it for you.” Since I’m sitting beside him at this round table, I lean to my left and instead of swiping my napkin across his face, I take this chance to pinch his cheek fiercely.  
  
“Ouch, what was that—“  
  
“Well, silly me!” I giggle loudly and roll my eyes. “That was just your freckle! Ha!”  
  
“R-r-right,” Yeonjun grumbles while rubbing his cheek with his palm.  
  
Ignoring Yeonjun, I flash a warm smile at Sohee, who is sitting across from me. “You have nothing to worry about, Sohee. You’ll find the dress eventually. I mean, you can’t force things to happen right? You found Sungyeol out of the blue right?”  
  
“Actually . . .” Sohee glances down at her empty plate. “I . . . umm . . . noticed him a year ago at the gym, and so I . . . sort of planned our meeting.”  
  
Okay . . . so love isn’t natural at all. Yeah, so perhaps, I should start scheming for love. Then again, I’m already in this mess. I seriously doubt that it’ll be wise for me to jump into a relationship. Plus, all the good men are taken by now. I think it’s time for me to order a drink and indulge in alcohol. That way, I can drown in pleasure and sleep through the night.  
  
“Now, Sohee, I think what Leia is saying makes senses,” Minjun remarks while stroking her hand a few times. Goodness. How can he be such a good brother? Then, I switch to Yeonjun, who is way too preoccupied with his phone. He is probably checking his email for work or just playing some game. Either way, he is being rude, and even Minjun reminds him, “Yeah, Yeonjun, stop being so hooked onto technology and just say something. Were you even listening?”  
  
Yeonjun, after a good minute or so, looks up to Minjun, and then coldly notes, “I can listen and do work . . . unlike some people.”  
  
“Jesus, hyung. Do you have to be such a—“  
  
“Okay, okay, it’s all my fault!” Sohee erupts into tears and buries her head in her arms. I just think it’s rather disgusting how her long hair is all over her plate. Not to mention, the awkwardness she has created is just way too much for me to handle. I don’t deal well under the spotlight. I’m pretty sure that’s why I ended up directing plays instead of acting in them in high school. Let’s just also throw away the fact that I can’t act and am better off as a tree.  
  
Minjun now caresses her back softly. “There, there, Sohee. It’s not your fault. It’s just Yeonjun being . . .himself.”  
  
Sohee lifts her head up and with mascara running down her cheeks, she stammers, “B-b-but, even Yeonjun o-ppa d-d-doesn’t think I’ll g-g-get the d-d-dress, and, and, he never b-b-believed in us!”  
  
Yeonjun is shamelessly icy. He has this stoned gazed that I have never seen before. He is serious, way too serious to be the Yeonjun I have known for years now. I swear, the Yeonjun I recognize would laugh at a guy crashing into a set of glass doors. Yes, so being the mature, distant jerk is not appropriate at all for him. To make matters worse, Yeonjun slips his phone in his blazer pocket and publicizes, “Sorry, but I have a meeting to go to now. So if you’ll just—“  
  
“Hyung . . . don’t lie to us. You don’t have any meetings.”  
  
“Minjun,” Yeonjun informs in a rather menacing tone while rising from his seat, “unlike you, I actually have a job and work for the company.”  
  
Minjun instantly shoots up from his seat and rushes to Yeonjun’s side to grab him by the collars. “You fu.cking—“  
  
“Hold it! Hold it!” I leap forward to intercept the two who are about to punch each other to death. “Yeonjun . . . is actually . . . covering for me.”  
  
“What?” Minjun caws, glimpsing at me with a fierce gaze. Twins. Ha.  
  
“I-I-I’m pregnant, so I can’t take French food!” I shout out from the top of my lungs.   
  
Everyone in the restaurant is staring at me, making me want to hide under the table. To make the whole situation worse, Sohee squeals, “Oh my god! Congratulations! Who’s the Daddy?” Gulping down a roll of saliva, I point to the man next to me, the right man. “What? But you guys never told me anything about this when we were at the bridal shop! I mean, Minjun oppa, did you have any idea that—“  
  
“Actually, I was just told earlier today,” Minjun cuts her off quickly to explain. “I was just as surprised as you.”  
  
Yeonjun adjusts his cufflinks while answering, “Yes, me too.”  
  
“Oh Yeonjun.” Sohee smiles like an angel. “Now I really don’t have to worry about you anymore. I see you’ve found your happiness, and I’m happy that you’re not listening to Father for once.”  
  
“Right,” Yeonjun mumbles with his head low. Then, he glances at me and harks, “I guess we’ll be leaving now. Right, Leia?”  
  
“Ah . . . yes, yes.” I follow Yeonjun by standing up from my seat.   
  
“B-b-but, we just got here,” Sohee mopes. “I w-w-was . . . really looking forward to . . .”  
  
“I apologize,” Yeonjun turns his head towards her to announce, “but . . . my fiancée’s well-being takes precedence.”   
  
He extends his hand towards me, and because I linger, he seizes it firmly. I’m sort of being dragged across the restaurant for the first part as I struggle to understand everything that has happened. “Yeon-Yeonjun, wh-wh-what’s going on? Where are you taking me?” I ask.  
  
He doesn’t say anything and doesn’t even let go of me until we reach the parking lot. As he opens the silver car door for me, he hollers with a straight, strict face, “Get in.”  
  
“W-w-wait, you can’t just—“  
  
Slam, the door goes and off he rushes to the driver’s seat. He starts the engine with a vroom, which prompts me to suit my seatbelt. A quick scan of the whole sports car makes me realize that this is an Aston Martin One-77. How do I know this? After flipping through car magazines with Eunhyuk one day, I was introduced to the world of luxurious cars. Now, I am good at recognizing models. It’s just . . . from what I remember, Yeonjun never drove a car before. I mean . . . he always took the subway with me. Sometimes, he even biked, so seeing him handle a steering wheel is just bizarre for me, especially at this extreme speed. He is whizzing through all these cars recklessly that I have to hang onto the sides of the cars.   
  
“I know what you’re thinking,” he tells me with his eyes glued to the traffic ahead. “You’re wondering how it’s possible for me to own this car and to be driving. You’re also wondering why I’m driving so quickly. You probably think I’m mad.”  
  
“Yes . . . why are you mad?” I mumble. “And . . . where are we going?”  
  
Yeonjun refuses to answer any of my questions and instead, he continues to drive on the highway. I give up with him. I mean, I could be like Song Hye Go in Full House and demand him to let me out of the car, but really? Am I going to be that stupid? Walk my way or cab back when I am guaranteed a sweet ride home? Nope, and so I just close my eyes and pray that he’ll take us somewhere nice.  
  
\---  
  
My body is being shaken back and forth. Okay, maybe the world is crumbling in my dream world. There’s some earthquake, and I’m trying to run away without tumbling down some deep rabbit hole, but I lose. I lose and now, my eyes open as I gasp. “Geez,” Yeonjun grumbles while unbuckling the seatbelt for me, “you’re a really deep sleeper, aren’t you? And god, damn it. Wipe that drool off of your face, Leia.”  
  
Using my sleeve, I clear off the wet saliva from the edge of my mouth. At least it’s still wet. Usually it solidifies by now. I think Yeonjun is too picky sometimes. He knows I’m a drooler because I can’t breathe from my typically plugged nose when I’m sleeping. Yup, I sleep with my mouth wide open. Suck it. No, really, it’s because I have allergies towards random things like grass, flowers, and dust. I remember when I had to attend my friend’s grandfather’s funeral. God . . . that was so embarrassing. That was my first time at a funeral ceremony, and I had no idea that there were going to be flowers everywhere. I ended up sneezing, crying, and blowing my nose. The people around me all thought I was extremely upset about the grandfather’s passing. I felt particularly guilt-ridden, but I just couldn’t stop blowing my nose and crying. Damn those lilies, and so, I constantly got hugged by strangers that day.   
  
Now, I retort, “You should know from before that I’m a deep sleeper.”  
  
“Right . . . even when I kicked you off of your bed, you were still asleep.” He smiles at last, like the usual Yeonjun I have known. “Heck, I’m sure if I raped you, you’d have no idea.”  
  
“Okay, you shouldn’t joke about these things,” I argue.  
  
Yeonjun folds his arms and showcases his scheming smirk. “Right . . . and apparently we have had unprotected sex several times to make you pregnant, so I guess . . . there’s really no need to rape you anyways. You consented.”  
  
“Can we . . .” I protest. “Can we not talk about that? I clearly was not thinking properly that time, so I lied.”  
  
“Oh, so now you think that was a bad idea? Seriously, Leia, sometimes I just wish you’d—“  
  
“I know. I know. Let’s just not talk about the past. We have to deal with everything now,” I interrupt hastily. “And . . . just where are we?”  
  
Yeonjun, pointing his finger northwards, utters, “Here.”  
  
I stare at what he is looking at and realize that we are at a parking lot overlooking a beach. Okay, so we must have driven for several hours to be here. Whatever . . . he’s wasting his own gas. I just don’t see why we need to be so far from civilization to have a chat. I really don’t think there’d be anyone spying on us. Businessmen aren’t worth spying over.  
  
“And . . . this is supposed to be the place where you come to think?” I intentionally throw a cheesy line I have picked up from dramas.  
  
“Actually no,” he responds while unbuckling his seatbelt. Opening his door, he clarifies, “I don’t settle in one place. Ever.”  
  
Right . . . trying to be cool now, eh? I roll my eyes and follow his move, except I’m having trouble opening this door. I mean, how does this thing even work? The handle, you pull right? But, what is going on? Why is it jamming? This is supposed to be a luxurious sports car. This is so—  
  
Suddenly, the door opens for me, and I realize that Yeonjun has come over to save me. He is laughing his head off, and immediately, I know that he wants to say some sarcastic remark, but I intercept his intentions by inquiring, “So you pretty much just drive like a maniac and then go wherever you feel like stopping when you want to think or when you’re pissed?”  
  
Yeonjun lets out a suppressed smile. “Exactly.” He tries his best to be serious as I step out of the car. Closing the door for me, he remarks, “Now, time for business.”  
  
Wait . . . that sounds so weird. Time for business? I feel like I’m starring in a Mission Impossible or James Bond film, where Ethan Hunt or James Bond is making a deal with one of the bad guys. I have no ulterior motive though. Am I going to get killed? Is he honestly going to shoot me and dump my body in the beach so no one can identify me? Oh my goodness! What am I thinking? This is Yeonjun, okay? He is my best friend. My best friend will not kill me. Then, why is he reaching in his blazer pocket for something. Why does it feel like it’s going to be a gun?   
  
I scream with my arms shielding my face and my eyes closing, “Don’t kill me! I’ll do anything!”   
  
“Yeah, open your eyes!” he hollers.  
  
Slowly, but surely, I do as he instructs, and there I find his small, leather agenda. Okay, so he wasn’t going to kill me. Gosh, am I silly, but believe it or not, Yeonjun is extremely organized. He likes jotting down all of his important dates onto a day planner. It’s just that he never writes down when we are meeting. He likes to surprise me, so he claims, and he finds that it’s unnatural for friends to hang out on a schedule. Somehow, he doesn’t think I have other social circles. That self-centered who.re. And now, he hands me this? What am I going to do with this? Huh?  
  
“I think it’s important that we lay out some rules,” he carries on explaining. “We need goals too.”  
  
“Isn’t our main objective just to . . . make sure we wreck a wedding and thereby win over your half-sister?”  
  
“Not exactly,”  
  
“W-w-wait . . . what? I thought you liked . . .”  
  
“Our main goal is to make sure that my company successfully wins against Hana Cosmetics.”  
  
“But don’t you have a fiancée for that?”  
  
“Oh her . . . she’s just some childhood friend that’s unrelated to our business. I can really care less,” Yeonjun remarks.  
  
“B-b-but, you made it seem like such a big deal!”  
  
“Mm . . . yeah, my dad will get pissed, but if I get this deal, then he’ll be cool about it.”  
  
“Deal?”  
  
“Yeah, and I need your help, Leia.”  
  
“And . . . why should I help you?”  
  
“Given that you sort of complicated my life, and that you’ll meet a really good guy along the way, I think . . . you will help me.”  
  
“But . . . what am I supposed to do?”  
  
“Not telling you unless you agree first.”  
  
“Th-th-that’s—“  
  
“You’re curious right?”  
  
“Yeonjun . . . you owe me big time!”  
  
“So, you’re agreeing then?”  
  
Reluctantly, I agree, “Y-yes. Now spill.”  
  
“I want you to . . . seduce this guy, Han Suho.” Yeonjun flips open his agenda for me and on the first page is a photo of a man. He reminds me of Daniel Henney with this tanned skin and gorgeous smile. His hazelnut, almond eyes are sparkling and his nose is perfectly hooked. He looks pretty . . . hot, and with that thought in mind, I hear Yeonjun utter, “Yup. Told you you’d be pleased. You’re already eye fu.cking him. Now, thank me.”  
  
“But why . . . why do I even need to seduce him?” I quizzically ask while returning his day planner to him. “I mean . . . you want to go the dirty route to win?”  
  
Yeonjun seizes my shoulders and glowers at me. “Look,” he accentuates, “if I don’t get this deal, our company is going to be in trouble, and my father will never trust me for sure.” His pupils are dilating, and his hands are trembling. I know how important this plan is for him, but I never expected him to stoop to that level. The Yeonjun I have known has always been righteous. Sure, he may be coy during a game, but he would never cheat. “Please,” Yeonjun adds, “please . . . just help me this time. It’s a do-or-die situation.”  
  
Relieving a sigh, I murmur, “I-i-if . . . that’s the case, then—“  
  
Yeonjun abruptly envelops me with his arms, leading me to almost suffocate in the process. “I knew it!” he screams delightfully. “I knew I could count on you! Leia, you’re awesome, you know that?”  
  
“Yes, I’ve known that since the day I was born,” I grumble. “Now, let me go, so I can breathe properly.”  
  
“No!” he whines like an obese boy craving for more chocolate.  
  
“Yeonjun . . . I’m going to tickle you if you don’t!”  
  
“Oh, you don’t dare,” he states while holding onto my tighter. I wrap my arms around his body, and my fingers start to do their job. Tickle, tickle, tickle, and Yeonjun starts chuckling like Elmo. Okay, maybe not as high-pitched, but probably like Elmo’s father with much testosterone. “St-st-stop,” he urges like a shrill little girl.   
  
“No!”  
  
“W-w-w-well, if you s-s-say so . . .”  
  
There he goes and attacks me with tickling as well. I’m suffering just as badly as him, and I swear that we resemble monkeys scratching ticks off of each other. I’m sure whoever is passing by would think that we are being foolish lovers, but honestly, we are just silly friends who don’t know any better. I’m sure we would continue this stupid act if Yeonjun did not manage to snatch both of my hands.  
  
“What?” I protest. “What are you going to do now?”  
  
“This.”  
  
Then, he stoops his back to my level, and surprisingly, I feel his lips press against mine. I feel his hands grasp onto mine tighter as my heart is making odd noises. It is echoing way too much for my ears to bear. Is this supposed to be normal? I know I’m too young to have a heart attack, and my family history has no diseases associated with the heart. So, I’m pretty much heart-risk free. Then, why am I feeling this way? It’s Yeonjun . . . I don’t even want to rip his clothes off when he is wearing a wife beater. In fact, I would rather him be clothed than to reveal his upper body. So if I don’t have sexual urges for him, then why is my heart rushing so quickly? Is this even love? What is love anyways?  
  
And hang on . . . isn’t this . . . my first kiss?  
  
Now, I finally push Yeonjun away in a miserable way. I forget that he is holding onto my hands so it is as if we were just pulling away from each other for a dance move. Stupid me forgets that he will lull me towards me again, and he does with much success. There’s that awful smile imprinted on his face like the evil Joker.  
  
“Liked it?” he asked.  
  
I must be really stupid because my head actually bobs up and down. I have always been a bad liar. I know I’m supposed to be mad right now, but I don’t think . . . it’d be bad to have one more kiss. Wait . . . wait, Leia! Snap out of it! This is Lee Yeonjun, okay? He’s the one that is screwing up your life, and now you want to kiss him? What is wrong with you? Argh! I bit.ch slap myself in my mind, and instantly, I curse, “No! Fu.ck no! That was my first kiss!”  
  
“Well,” Yeonjun explains, “if you think about it, you are supposed to seduce Han Suho, and it really wouldn’t make sense if you can’t even kiss right?”  
  
I tilt my head to the side and mutter, “I guess so . . . but . . . why do I even have to seduce him? To figure out what his plans for the project is supposed to be?”  
  
“Exactly,” Yeonjun affirms with a nod. “Glad you can read my mind.”  
  
“And . . . how am I supposed to even do that?” I ponder out loud. “I mean . . . how am I even supposed to meet him?”  
  
Yeonjun hands me a poised look prior to tapping my shoulder a few times. “Don’t sweat it,” he reassures. “I’ve got it all covered. Next weekend, you’ll attend this party.”  
  
“And what will I wear?”  
  
“I told you already,” Yeonjun stresses. “Don’t worry! You know the only thing you should be worrying about is how you’ll actually catch Suho’s attention. This man is no easy deal.”  
  
Hearing that statement, I can’t resist yelling, “And you expect a love noob to try to win over some player? What do you take me for? Huh? I mean, is there a Dummies for Seductresses? Because I sure need to read one.”  
  
Yeonjun tugs my nose and chuckles. “No, silly goose, you just need experience,” Yeonjun tells me.  
  
“And how am I supposed to gain experience? Huh? You know, this isn’t like Final Fantasy or some other RPG where I can just level up after battling some—“  
“Actually, if you think about it, it is sort of like a game,” Yeonjun interrupts. “Let’s just say that you’re going to be training with me.”  
  
“Training?” I shriek. “This isn’t Fitness World, Yeonjun! You can’t expect me to turn into some sexy lady that all the guys want to fu.ck. Okay? I wasn’t born with the sexy face. I was born with the I’m-cute-like-Hello-Kitty face! Okay? And no one screws with Hello Kitty!”  
  
“Well, for one thing, you have a mouth,” Yeonjun points out. “And you don’t have oversized cheeks, whiskers or stubby legs. Sure, you might be Hello Kitty’s height, but—“  
  
“Hey!”  
  
“What I’m saying is that . . . I’ll be there every step of the way,” Yeonjun utters. “So don’t worry.”  
  
At this point, I have to say that I really don’t know what I’m doing. I feel like Yeonjun just tricked me into all of this. He knew what I was going to say or do, and I fell for his trap completely. Maybe he is right. I am a silly goose, and I’m going to be sent to the slaughter house to become fried goose wings or to be used to make winter jackets and pillows. Either way, this, whatever this is, is really, really bad.  
  
A comedy of errors?  
  
I believe so.


	5. Life-splitting Moment

Mondays are my worst enemies. I hate, I hate, I hate Mondays until no tomorrow. Why? 8:30 am is when I have to teach stupid first-year students. Don’t get me wrong. I am grateful for having this steady job. It’s just that I have always hated teaching, yet somehow, every job or volunteer opportunity I used to get was all related to teaching. So when someone asks me if fate has everything planned out, I would wholeheartedly say yes. I mean, how else am I doing a job that I sincerely dislike and am stuck in a situation that I can’t even control?

 

This is why every Monday I have to order an iced frap to keep me sane. Even during the cold winters, I am armed with this drink. I’m pretty sure whoever invented the iced frap understood how painful it was to wake up at 6:30 am to prepare to teach some rascals that don’t really care about my course at all. They’re only here because introductory Social Geography is supposed to be easy, and I keep it that way so there will be students wanting to enroll in our faculty’s classes. Geography is already not a very popular major, so being able to attract any student to our faculty would be wonderful. That’s why you have to hit the kids when they’re young and unsure of what to do with their lives. I mean, sure, almost 90% of these kids are here to take this an elective because of how the education system works in Asia. Your major is set already in first year. Then . . . argh, what am I even caring about, I suddenly realize.

 

My marker right now slips off from the board and I make this huge squiggle. I forgot to mention that I’m actually teaching class right now, and I’m letting my mind roam free. Swiping what I did with an eraser, I casually act like nothing has happened. Then, I pick up the eraser and that’s when I hear a splitting sound. Holy crap. You have to be kidding me . . .

 

Quickly, I turn around and place my hand over my butt hole. Okay . . . I did split my dress pants. Fu.ck. Can this day get any worse? Now, this obnoxious kid in the front row is asking, “Ms. Nam? Are you going to finish writing notes? I’m worried that since we have 15 minutes left in class, you won’t be able to—“

 

“Sangwoo,” I interrupt him, “even if I don’t finish my notes, I will post what I have left online.”

 

The only reason that I know his name is that he likes to visit my office hours. He likes to ask these questions that take forever to answer, and maybe some professors would adore his curiosity, but I’d rather not. His face just bugs me and his voice too. He has this really squeaky voice and a mouse-like face. I don’t know. He’s just darn annoying, and to prove my point, Sangwoo continues to argue, “But that is unfair for all of us coming here for lecture.”

Fu.ck you. That’s what I want to say to him. Unfair? Look, kiddo. I’m here bright and early to teach you annoying ba.stards, and you give me attitude? Shoot. Shoot. Shoot. If I were a gangster, I’d do that right here. Grab out my gun and shoot him three times at an alley. No more blabbing to me or asking for me for more marks on his assignment or exam. Bi.tch.

 

“I assure you.” I try my best to remain professional. “This will only be a one-time scenario. Now, class is dismissed. I suddenly received an important meeting that I have to attend. I apologize for this delay in notifying you.”

 

Immediately, tons of kids start cheering. Yeah, I wish I could do this every day too. Cut class by fifteen minutes or so. It’s only happening today because of this pants crisis. I mean, did I actually gain tons of pounds for some reason? And how? Who has been feeding me fat like they did to Regina George from Mean Girls? Who? Who is this culprit? And just how much have I been eating? How come none of the boys has warned me about this? W-w-wait . . . boys . . . I suddenly remember how I have gained a few more pounds. Lately, I have been eating late night snacks with the boys. Sometimes, Sehun and Eunhyuk will call me over because they want to drink some beer while eating some fried pork cutlets or beef tongue. Then, there’s Myungsoo who always buys too much cake and he invites me over to enjoy them. Only he and I absolutely adore desserts. He even has this secret diary he carries along that is filled with these thoughts about a particular dessert, and there’s even a section called “Leia’s Remarks”. I feel proud whenever he jots down my feelings. Plus, He’ll sketch the piece down, and even label the colours and the ingredients. So, pretty much, he has the biggest sweet tooth ever. If I bribe him with a slice of coffee cake, he would probably accept whatever I tell him to do. If you want his attention, then you need to bring him sweets. Lately, I have been trying to get him to fix my laptop, so I have been giving him more goodies than normal and I also join in the feast. Okay, so I guess that’s it. Oh wait. I forgot about Howon and Yeonjun.

 

Howon’s girlfriend, Song Dahae, has recently gotten into baking, and because she makes so much and with tons of failures, Howon distributes her goods to us. I seem to be the only one that is eating her food for breakfast; all the other guys just downright refuse. I admit . . . her stuff is no good, but at least I don’t have to waste money to buy breakfast now. As for Yeonjun, he likes to invite me for lunch. He knows how much I like free meals and just how much I love to eat. He actually has a list of restaurants that he wants to try, and thankfully, he included me in his journey. It’s really more like I saw his list one day and forced him to take me to all the places. I pretty much shook him back and forth until he’d listen to me. So, it is kind of my fault that I have gained from him.

Realizing my crisis, I text Sehun: “SOS! Bring a set of dress pants for me! ASAP!”

 

Sehun is the only one that really understands women wear. Okay, maybe Yeonjun has some idea too, but Sehun is a genius when it comes to fashion. He’s probably the only one that can steal a set of pants from a celebrity’s wardrobe. Okay, I’m sure he doesn’t steal, but he probably gets some sort of discount. Anyhow, I’ll pay him back in this case.

 

“Okay. I’ll be right there. Office right?” Sehun texts back.

 

“Yes. Thank you. Thank you. See you,” I reply.

 

Now that I have the pants situation figured out. I just have to get back to my office somehow. I’ll just be weird and hold my briefcase to shield my bum. As long as no one catches me, I will be okay. I just have to speed walk to my office that is on the fourth floor. I will not even take the elevator to exercise more and to avoid any of my colleagues who might be jerks to me if they discover what has happened. Plus, I can’t let An Jessica know this. An Jessica happens to be in the Geography department as well, but she teaches Urban Development. She is really a classic bi.tch. Just because she went to some university in the States doesn’t mean that she’s some member of the royal family. She keeps showing off her 1 karat diamond ring to me and telling me how fabulous her boyfriend is. She says he gives her everything she wants and pampers her like a princess. I say that that guy is probably getting some good sex because with that awful personality of hers, I’d never shower her with gifts unless I got something out of her.

 

Just my luck because just as I’m thinking about her, she is using the stairs as well. What the fu.ck. “Oh,” she greets while panting lightly, “Leia, what a pleasant surprise.” There she goes with her fake smile. Yuck. Someone just push her off these stairs, all right?

 

“Yes,” I lie. “What a nice surprise, and I’m sorry to cut you short, but I’m in a hurry. I have to—“

 

“I’ve been meaning to tell you.” Jessica flips her hair and reveals another well-rehearsed grin. “That I’m having my wedding this Saturday. I was hoping you could come. I mean, if you don’t have a boyfriend now, it’d be a perfect time for you to—“

 

“I’m sorry, Jessica. I forgot to tell you that I’ve actually been seeing a guy for a few months now.” I snip her sentence in half just to smite her.

 

Jessica’s eyes instantly glow as she adds, “Oh! That’s perfect then! Bring him there!”

 

Bit.ch. Wanting me to prove that I really do have a boyfriend? Well, snap, snap. I’m ready, bit.ch. After a few years of tolerating you, I think it’s time you got a slap in the face and a wakeup call. I’m not that easy to trample over, and so, I state while imitating her hair flip but ending mine by twirling the end of my hair, “Of course! Of course, he’ll come to your wedding as well! I’ll even personally introduce you to him!”

 

“Great!” Jessica chirps before sprinting up the stairs. “See you two there then! I’ll forward you the details tonight!”

 

Ha! Watch that bi.tch run. Her richard simmons reminds me of Jiggly Puff. Just wait, Jessica. You will regret inviting me to your wedding. I’m going to bring my . . .

 

Hang on. I have no boyfriend. What am I doing? I’m already in a tough situation, and now I’m complicating the situation even further. Nam Leia, you have got to stop lying! Do you even understand the severity of your circumstances? Let’s recap okay?

 

To Yeonjun’s family, I am his pregnant fiancée. I’m also supposed to get rid of his fiancée who he doesn’t give a damn about. So, I’m the third party in this relationship? Oh my god! I never meant to be anyone’s mistress! On top of that, I’m supposed to seduce Han Suho to help Yeonjun with his career. To do that, I must learn how to be a femme fatale. I must also wear low-cut shirts and reveal skin. Maybe, I’m thinking too much of Roger Rabbit’s vixen and film noir. Now, I need a boyfriend to accompany me to Jessica’s wedding? First of all, why are there so many weddings happening in the first place? Huh? What season is this? The season to breed? And people say the marriage rate is low. I must be part of some deviation from the trend. Assho.les.

 

I’ll show them all that a perfectly single girl can be just fine. No actually, I still need that male date for the wedding. I can’t let Jessica know that I lied. Now, who will be willing to be my sacrifice? Sehun? Ugh no. He’ll want to know about everything. Myungsoo doesn’t give a damn. Howon’s girlfriend would butcher me with an axe or poison the next batch of cupcakes, which I’m supposed to not eat anyways. Eunhyuk is too silly to even know how to behave at a wedding. So, there really only is Yeonjun. Technically, he is already my fiancé right? So, why not put him to good use? I should get him to buy me a diamond ring too along the way. In the end, I can even sell it off to profit. Oh gosh, Leia, you are so smart! He, he, he. That’s probably my signature evil laugh—final boss level.

 

Before I can even start texting Yeonjun to tell him of my plans, he texts me first.

 

“You’re going to be going to Suho’s best friend’s wedding this Saturday.”

 

I’m thinking . . . no way. There’s no way that his best friend is marrying Jessica. Ha. Still, I go off to confirm, “Who is his best friend marrying and where is this place?”

 

“W Hotel and it’s some girl called Jessica? An Jessica? She’s supposedly an assistant professor like you.”

 

“Fu.ck!” I text back. “You can’t be shi.tting me?”

 

“What? What?”

 

“Talk to you over lunch? I can’t do this over text.”

 

“Sure, but I only have around 20 minutes to spare.”

 

“That’s good enough. See you at the old place and same time.”

 

“Sure.”

 

By the time I reach my office, Sehun already has the front door open and is relaxing in my swiveling leather chair like a boss. He has his heads over his head, and his legs extended on my table. How rude. Oh well, I shrug my shoulders and think. I’ll let him role play for a bit. After all, he did come here with a set of pants. It’s not often that you get a friend come here as soon as possible for you, so I’m lucky enough that I’ll stop complaining.

 

“Thought I’d have some fun being the boss once in a while.” Sehun giggles like a little fan girl. “Anyways,” he hops off my seat and reaches downwards for a plastic bag, “think fast!” He tosses the item at me, and luckily, I have cat-like instincts when it comes to balls. I either dodge or catch. In this case, I react by catching this “ball” in time.

 

“Thanks buddy,” I utter after checking to see if they are, indeed, what I’m looking for.

 

“No problem. SOS means emergency for you, but . . .looking at you, you seem—“ I turn around to show him what has happened, and immediately he starts cracking up. “Holy smokes, Leia! How’d you even do that? That’s amazing!” he cheers ecstatically.

 

“Let’s not go there,” I mutter. “Anyways, I’ll treat you to dinner some time.”

 

“Nah, it’s all right.” Sehun waves his hand at me and cracks a gentle smirk. Then, he walks over to my side and pinches my cheek. “Hehe, I see you have gained a few pounds.”

 

“What?” I instinctively slam my palms on my cheeks. Am I that chubby already? “You serious?” I shout.

 

Sehun smiles again before adding, “We were all . . . a bit concerned with your binging, but then we really didn’t want to hurt your feelings.”

 

“Oh my god, Sehun!” I grab at his t-shirt and rock him back and forth. “You’re supposed to tell me these things!”

 

“W-w-w-well . . .”

 

“Ugh, never mind,” I release him and sulk. “I’ll figure this out somehow.”

 

“Just come work out with Eunhyuk, Yeonjun and me,” Sehun suggests.

 

“You . . . work out?” I blink at him a few times. I thought Sehun wouldn’t even walk a poodle.

 

“Well, yeah,” he states as if a matter of fact. “How else would I get abs?”

 

“Wait . . . you have abs?”

 

My eye is almost twitching at this point. I thought Sehun was the scrawny type who only got abs because he was too skinny. I guess I’m really bad at male anatomy. Then again, I have never seen a male completely naked if you disregard all those statues I have seen in art galleries and museums. Those are different if you get what I mean. I’m sure the penis was made to look better on paper or on marble. Okay, let’s keep this PG-13, and I’ll stop there.

 

“Yeah . . .”

 

Out of the blue, he lifts his shirt up, and by my nature, I yelp as if I have encountered a big, hairy spider dangling from the ceiling, “Ah!”

 

Because I have my eyes covered, I don’t notice that Sehun grabs my hands and places them on his abs. “You can touch them you know?” he says rather indifferently. “It’s not like I have some infectious disease, and most girls would be dying to touch these darlings.”

 

“Darlings?” I, at last, open my eyes and ask. I remove my hands from his body and wipe them clean on my lap.

 

“Yeah, they’re my chocolate babies. You know, chocolate abs?” Oh my goodness. Can Sehun get even cheesier? Perhaps he’d win over some lady with that line, but to me, I just feel three lines dripping down from my forehead. Corny. Too, too corny. And I’m sure Sehun realizes what I’m thinking because he is super sensitive. After all, he warns, “You know if you’re not even attracted to abs, then maybe, you’re more interested in ladies? I mean, if that’s the case, then I can introduce you to some pretty—“

 

“I’m straight, okay?” I interrupt, wondering if Eunhyuk has been brainwashing Sehun with this sexuality issue that Eunhyuk seems to believe I possess. “I want to kiss guys and not girls,” I utter.

 

“And yet you are afraid of abs?” Sehun eyes me.

 

“Well, they’re foreign.”

 

“You know what, Leia?” Sehun, all of a sudden, remarks.

 

“What?”

 

“I think all of us guys should start being shirtless around you. We should probably be naked too,” Sehun proposes almost too spontaneously.

 

“Wh-wh-what?”

 

“You still think guys have cooties, so obviously, we have to immunize you, sweetie,” Sehun explains.

 

“Yeah, but . . . it doesn’t mean that you turn our Saturday meetings to a strip club.”

 

“And you missed last time’s meeting and so did Yeonjun,” Sehun mopes. “You naughty people. Tsk tsk. Here I thought that friendship was so much more important than other matters. Heck, I could have had a date with a lovely model from Milan.”

 

“Yeah, sorry about that,” I apologize. “I think . . . I’ll have to miss this week’s too.”

 

“What?” Sehun shrieks like a girl who just had apple juice spilled over her latest dress. “You can’t do that to us? Did you get a boyfriend? Huh? Is it that hot date?”

 

“About that . . .”

 

“Wh-wh-what? Spill!”

 

“It’s rather complicated, Sehun, but this Saturday, I have this wedding I have to go to.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Yeah, sorry—“

 

“You know what? Just take us there then!”

 

“No!” I screech. “No!”

 

“What? Why not?” Sehun stares at me funnily. “I think it’s perfect. Your friend will get more gifts too. Seriously, let’s crash a wedding. I’ll invite the other guys over too.”

 

Here I go howling for my life as I head down this roller coaster of drama and hell. Just let my scream echo past the lakes, mountains, and oceans. I really . . . really . . . am feeling seasick. If this is how pregnant women feel, then it really sucks to have a kid inside of you. I want to throw up badly because I know just how screwed I am if all of these guys are involved. Can you imagine? Wedding Crashers with two more Owen Wilsons and one more Vince Vaughn? No! No! No! No!

 

These guys can’t go fool around with the bridesmaids nor can they watch me seduce a guy. No one, aside from Yeonjun, is supposed to know anything about my inner sex kitten that has not been awakened. Please, if there is a god out there, please . . . make me really, really sick. I want to be puking all over the floor and have a super high fever. I’m perfectly fine with getting diarrhea. I’d rather be sitting on a toilet and moaning my richard simmons off than putting on an idiotic show in front of the guys and Jessica. Oh god. I completely forgot about that bit.ch.

 

Okay, I can’t lose to her. She might have snagged some rich guy before me, but that doesn’t mean that my fake boyfriend will be worse than hers. I must succeed somehow. I need a tutor and fast. I need a crash course in attracting a man, and I know just the person to help me. I’m sure I can cram this like I’ve forced biology into my brain in two nights. I have almost a week to tap my internal enchantress. Let’s skip channeling Audrey Hepburn and go for Marilyn Monroe. Sounds good to me!


End file.
